Pedro Almodóvar
1989
101 minutes
This is a Pedro Almodóvar film that played endlessly on cable television when you were a young person. It featured notorious full frontal nudity, but this was in the form of a woman taking a bath and guiding a little swimming scuba diver bath toy to bump into her vagina. It was always worth tuning in to catch this particular moment back in the pre-Internet days when pornography was scarce.
This film stars Antonio Banderas. The name might suggest it's a sexy bondage film, but it's really not. Yes, he ties up the very attractive Victoria Abril, but this is because he essentially kidnaps her, not that she's terribly inspired to get away even when she has a chance. It's part of the absurd humor of the film. Again, as with many Almodóvar films, you would argue that this film feels like someone playing "wrong" with their Barbies. Abril's character is an actress and former porn star and she has a bit of an addiction to pain killers as well as a raging toothache throughout the film. There's a particularly absurd scene where she sends Banderas out to fetch pills for her, which he does a poor job of, and eventually this results in him getting the shit kicked out of him and the Stockholm Syndrome'd Abril having to dress his wounds for him.
Part of you is sad that this film wasn't kinkier with the tied-up sex parts. But part of you is relieved as well since that's not exactly what Almodóvar is for. A devilish part of you makes you happy that someone might watch this to try to get their kink on and, unless they are boring as shit, walk away disappointed.
This brings back a funny memory for you of when you and your long-time girlfriend broke up and you were having a rough mental health time and understandably ended up on antidepressants for awhile. (They did you some good for a time but ultimately weren't the thing for you.) During that period you were living at home mostly, sharing space with your mother. At some point she came into your room to look for something in your closet and found a length of knotted rope which worried her greatly. She fretted over saying anything to you about it for a long time, then decided to confront you about it, quite worried that you may have made or planned to make some attempt to hang yourself with it. You were then forced to explain that no, while that was a valid concern, this particular piece of knotted rope was for the purpose of tying up your sex partner back in the happy days when she was still on speaking terms with you. The matter got dropped quickly and she never spoke of it again, and you were glad she didn't find the rest of your stash, which probably would have answered any of those questions before they got asked even for your relatively sheltered mother.
Time to choose something different: