John Waters
2000
87 minutes
You've seen this movie. It's not your favorite John Waters film, but you live in Baltimore. You are intimately familiar with many of the filming locations. And multiple friends have very small roles as extras in it, so it still has a place in your heart. It's worth a re-watch, since you haven't seen it since your second and longer-lasting move to Baltimore, which has been your home for the last fourteen years or so.
Like most Baltimoreans, you've met John Waters a few times. Most of the people you know either know John Waters or have met John Waters at least once. Most people have some story about meeting him or having some sort of relationship with him or people close to him. These are all shared with various degrees of modesty or bragging. He drinks occasionally at some of the same places you drink. You've seen him in bars and at gallery openings. You attended a gallery opening for a show featuring his own artworks. One of the best of these was a very large towel which was embroidered with the slogan ON ME NOT IN ME, which made you laugh out loud in front of him.
On the occasions you have seen him in the wild you usually just make eye contact and smile and nod but don't otherwise bother him. He's just a dude. He doesn't need people randomly fawning over him.
The one time you did actually speak with him was a somewhat awkward encounter where you went to a meet-and-greet book signing for his novel Liarmouth (soon allegedly to be a motion picture!) at Atomic Books. You bought a copy for him to sign since it seemed indecent not to. You stood in line with a lot of excited Fans who were eager to have him sign their merchandise, usually some manner of Funco Pop bobbleheads or collectible this-is-what-I'm-into signifiers, which seeemed slightly tacky and common to you but don't judge. Everyone expresses their fandoms differently. You were all weirdos of various stripes standing in the same line because you love the same cult director, after all.
You had brought to the signing two books you had written and published on your own. One was a version of Romeo and Juliet which you had heavily modified with a few character's words replaced with dialogue you had transcribed from pornographic-adjacent sources. (Juliet's words were all taken from an OnlyFans porn star who demonstrates and reviews sex toys on her social media channels). This book credits you as the co-author of Romeo and Juliet on the title page along with William Shakespeare. The other book you brought was your book of poems called Clean Limericks for Children which is...not entirely an accurate description.
When it came your time to meet him, you politely told him you had seen and loved all of his films, and Desperate Living was your favorite of the lot. He signed the copy of his own book as well as your limericks book, in which he wrote "Keep it clean!" You had him make out the Romeo and Juliet one to your friend "Will", and he was happy to oblige. You're not sure if he noticed the context of this request, but you're pretty sure you're the only person on the planet who owns a pornographic copy of Romeo and Juliet autographed by John Waters for Will Shakespeare.
Afterwards he asked if you wanted a photo with him. You declined but he insisted. You look like a goon in the photo and have never posted it to any of your social media. But at least it proves the provenance of the autographs.
Cecil B. Demented is fine the second time around. It's not weird enough to be your favorite though. You remind yourself that even "normal" John Waters is still pretty fucking weird in the grand scheme of thing. You have normalized him quite a bit since you moved to Baltimore.
Time to choose something different: