Todd Haynes
1993
45 minutes
This film is extremely funny and touching in a way that makes you involuntarily reflect on having romantic and even sexual thoughts and feelings that you didn't quite understand at an uncomfortably young age. It makes you happy that you've never been a parent having to address such issues. It was awkward enough having to correct unwanted sexual behavior between two already neutered pet cats, one still a kitten. You can't imagine having to concern yourself with such behavior with a young human being in your care.
You recall that one early exposure to the scantily clad women on a Benny Hill rerun while you were still in primary school led to a physiological response that confused and frightened you. When you ran in horror to your parents regarding this, you were awkwardly told to "just go in the bathroom and splash some water on it", which did the trick. This occurrence was never spoken of again. Your parents were progressive, but not that progressive.
Even sticking to more age-appropriate media wasn't enough to squash this curiosity and interest in the opposite sex. The scenes where the kid is making crayon drawings of the I Love Lucy surrogate being spanked reminds you of the times you carefully traced the outlines of Betty and Veronica and (especially) Sabrina in the Archie comic books, particularly in the issues where they were visiting the beach. You recall having a huge crush on the singing anthropomorphic mouse in the cheerleader outfit at the local pizza restaurant. It is a small miracle that you didn't end up a furry.
Time to choose something different: