David Cronenberg
1977
91 minutes
You start watching this film and realize that the lead actress looks very familiar, like she was in something you watched as a kid. A quick trip to Wikipedia reveals that the lead role is played by Marilyn Chambers, of Deep Throat fame. This makes you question some of your childhood viewing choices.
You ponder that Dr. Dan Keloid is actually a very funny name for a doctor. It reminds you of other oddly appropriate doctor names you've run across. There were the usual ones, things like Dr. Payne or Dr. Hurt, all mild chuckle-fodder for Jay Leno. But there were still better ones.
One of the dentists in a city you used to live in was named Marmar Miar, and it occurred to you that you would still be able to say her name while she had her fingers in your mouth.
Another gynecologist in your hometown had the name Dr. Ho. This came to your attention when your hometown newspaper had a one-off section as a fundraiser where they allowed children to illustrate ads for local businesses. You recall that Dr. Ho's ad featured a crude drawing of a doctor along with the slogan "If you hurt your toe, go see Dr. Ho" by a child who clearly was not briefed on what a gynecologist's specialty actually entailed.
Yet another had the unfortunate name Dr. Franklin Stein, as it was printed on a check you processed when you were volunteering doing data entry for a local nonprofit.
You've always had a soft spot for David Cronenberg, whom you mentally credit with directing many of your dreams and nightmares, for better or for worse. Unfortunately, he has a tendency to take the helm and direct a lot of your sex dreams as well, to your great disgust and disappointment. One of the more horrifying ones involved Drew Barrymore, which started off pleasant enough but took a turn for the worse when she disrobed and revealed a horrifying amount of unusual body modifications. One of these was a sort of vagina dentata situation except with a large and sharp metal zipper.
Dreams like this have happened less since you quit drinking caffeine, but once in awhile he'll still make a guest appearance. This film reminds you of one of those dreams.
Time to choose something different: